Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The line graph shows the unemployment rate for USA and Japan from 2005 to 2011

The line graph shows the unemployment rate for USA and Japan from 2005 to 2011 ABERw
The scatter diagram illustrates the rate of unemployment from 2005 to 2011 in USA and Japan. It is clear from the scatter diagram that the overall unemployment rate for USA had fallen between 2005 and 2010 whereas the rate for Japan increased. In January 2005, the USA had the highest workforce percentage who were unemployed and that was 7%. However, the unemployment rate declined to nearly 6% later that year. In addition, it stayed at 6% March 2006 and rose nearly to 6. 5% in the end of that year. Furthermore, the rate dropped to nearly 5. 5% in March’07 and fluctuated between 5. 5-6% till March, 08. Subsequently, in March 2009 the rate almost declined to 5%. However, the rate further nearly went up to 5. 5% and letter it dropped to 5% in March’10 and again nearly rose to 5. 5% later that year. On the other hand, the unemployed rate of Japan according to diagram was 2. 5% in the beginning of 2005 and it spiked almost to 4% until March’05 and the rate fluctuated in the same level range until March 07. In addition to that there was a constant uprise in the percentage of workforce that was unemployed until March of 2008 and it almost remained at 4. 5%. Moreover, despite the fluctuation between March’08-09 the rate almost remained the same. In addition to that there was a gradual rise in the rate and it rose to almost 5. 5% in the mid of 2010. Lastly, the unemployment rate almost declined to 5%.
The scatter diagram illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
from 2005 to 2011
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and Japan.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the scatter diagram that the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
A determiner is probably missing here: "for the USA".
for USA
had fallen between 2005 and 2010 whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for Japan increased.

In January 2005, the USA had the highest workforce percentage who
were unemployed
and that was 7%.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
declined to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nearly
6% later that year.
In addition
, it stayed at 6% March 2006 and rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nearly
to 6. 5% in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of that year.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
dropped to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nearly
5. 5% in March’07 and fluctuated between 5. 5-6% till March, 08.
Subsequently
, in March 2009 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
declined to 5%.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nearly
went up to 5. 5% and letter it dropped to 5% in March’10 and again
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nearly
rose to 5. 5% later that year.

On the other hand
, the unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of Japan according to diagram was 2. 5% in the beginning of 2005 and it spiked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
to 4% until March’05 and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
fluctuated in the same level range until March 07.
In addition
to that there was a constant uprise in the percentage of workforce that
was unemployed
until
When specifying a month and year, 'of' is unnecessary: "March 2008".
March of 2008
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
remained at 4. 5%.
Moreover
, despite the fluctuation between March’08-09 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
remained the same.
In addition
to that there was a gradual rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and it rose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
5. 5% in the mid of 2010.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
declined to 5%.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The line graph shows the unemployment rate for USA and Japan from 2005 to 2011

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    The diagram below shows how a mechanical arm works, and how the joints make up the arm function in the same way as those in a human arm.
    The detailed information regarding in context how a computerized mechanical arm functions, and how the joints help arm to work alike those in a human arm is portrayed by the rendered diagram. To start off, a mechanical arm is operated by three motors which are monitored through computer. Primarily, ...
  • 6band
    how a mechanical arm works
    The detailed information regarding in context how a computerized mechanical arm functions, and how the joints help arm to work alike those in a human arm is portrayed by the rendered diagram. To start off, a mechanical arm is operated by three motors which are monitored through computer. Primarily, ...
  • 6band
    process of generating electricity
    The diagram illustrates the circular process of generating electricity in a hydroelectric power station. The electricity is generated by the flow of water running through the turbines in the station then taken to the national grid. There is a high-level reservoir which is full of water from a river...
  • 6band
    The chart shows components of GDP in France from 2000 to 2008.
    The bar chart depicts the gross domestic product generated by France’s IT and Service Industry from 2000 to 2008. It is expressed as a percentage. Overall, it can be seen that both climbed as a percentage of GDP over time, but IT grew at a faster rate. As per the data provided by the chart, at the ...
  • 6band
    the two maps show the island's devolopment
    The two maps illustrate how the island was developed over the period in terms of construction of tourist amenities. Overall, Although the island's size was only one hundred meters, it changed considerably throughout the period. The most significant changes were observed in the establishment of ho...
  • 6band
    U.S Energy consumption by Fuel
    The bar graph provided illustrates the amount of energy utilization in the USA from 1980 until 2030. Units are measured in quadrillion. Overall petrol, oil and coal usage showed a relative growth, while other types of fuel experienced almost no change in that period of time. The quantity of petrol ...





Get more results for topic:
  • The line graph shows the unemployment rate for USA and Japan from 2005 to 2011