Search
Vocabularying
Listening
Reading
1. Academic
2. General
Writing
1. IELTSWriting Checker
2. IELTS Writing Samples
Speaking

Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.

The line graph shows the percentage of shopping on the Internet in the different period of the day by five groups of age from 16 to over 60 years old in 2015.

The line graph shows the percentage of shopping on the Internet in the different period of the day by five groups of age from 16 to over 60 years old in 2015. d3mqX

Overall, the number of sales in most of age groups start to increase remarkably from 9 a. m and the time has the most of the sales is between 6 pm to 8 pm and then it decreases dramatically from 10 am to the midnight. However, over-60-years-old group has some differences with the others, the quantity of customers in this group changes in a fluctuation. Firstly, age group from 25-34 years old has a large number of sales in almost time of the day in comparison with another groups. There is a considerable rise from 9 am and then peak at approximately 32% of sales. Secondly, 3 age groups include 16-24, 35-44 and 45-59 have similarity in their growth but the group 35-44 has a sharp increase start at 4 pm and reach a maximum rate of online shopping about 30%. Finally, the level of online shopping in group over 60 years old fluctuates between 9 am and 2 pm. It hit a peak at 9 am about 20% and it start to decline notably from 2 pm to the midnight. Votes

Overall
, the number of sales in Consider using "most age" or "most of the age".most agemost of the age
most of age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiate
start
 to increase remarkably
 from 9 a. m and the time has the most of the sales is between 6 pm to 8 pm and then it decreases dramatically
 from 10 am to the midnight. However
, over-60-years-This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ancientagedmature
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
group
 has This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 differences with the others, the quantity of customers in this You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :altersadjusts
changes
 in a fluctuation.

Firstly
, age You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
group
 from 25-34 years This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ancientagedmature
old
 has Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"manynumerous
a large number of
 sales in almost time of the day in comparison
 with another You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
groups
. There is a considerable rise from 9 am and then peak at approximately 32% of sales.

Secondly
, 3 age You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
groups
 include 16-24, 35-44 and 45-59 have similarity in their growth This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
group
 35-44 has a sharp increase This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiate
start
 at 4 pm and reach a maximum rate of online shopping about 30%.

Finally
, the level of online shopping in You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbodycrowdfactionclubcompanyband
group
 over 60 years This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ancientagedmature
old
 fluctuates between 9 am and 2 pm. It hit a peak at 9 am about 20% and it This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiate
start
 to decline notably
 from 2 pm to the midnight.

Votes