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The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home.

The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home. Jr0B
The line graph illustrates the importance, measured in percentages, that four ages groups place on five different factors when they move to a new home. It is immediately apparent that a low crime rate is the most important variable across all the age groups. Of all the factors, the desire for a low crime rate is by far the most important. Amongst the all the age groups this figure stands at around 80%, with the middle aged and elderly viewing it as slightly more important. Next, schools are seen as very important by a significant proportion of 25 to 44 year olds although the percentages drop markedly as people get older, with just under 25% of 55 to 64 year olds viewing this as important. Shopping facilities, being chosen by around 13%, are not viewed with such importance as schools and crime by the younger age groups. However, as people get older, this increases in importance to approximately 30%, and, as would be expected, is actually more important than schools to those over 55. Finally, although increasing in importance with age, neither parks nor public transport are viewed to be as important as the other factors by any of the groups.
The line graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
, measured in percentages, that four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
place on five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new home. It is immediately apparent that a low crime rate is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
variable across all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

Of all the factors, the desire for a low crime rate is by far the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. Amongst the all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
this figure stands at around 80%, with the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
and elderly viewing it as
slightly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
Next
, schools are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
by a significant proportion of 25 to
It seems that hyphens are missing
44 year olds
although the percentages drop
markedly
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 25% of 55 to
It seems that hyphens are missing
64 year olds
viewing this as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Shopping facilities,
being chosen
by around 13%, are not viewed with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
as schools and crime by the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
However
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, this increases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to approximately 30%, and, as would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, is actually more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than schools to those over 55.
Finally
, although increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, neither parks nor public transport
are viewed
to be as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as the other factors by any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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