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The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had the highest sales over this time.

The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had the highest sales over this time. BYkq5
The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had highest sales over this time. Overall, the most noticeable feature is that Cyberium was the only store that experienced a steady increase in sales, while Bioshock Infinite was the best selling game. With regard to the line graph, The year 2014 witnessed a dramatically fall of about 1500 in the number of Gamestop from roughly 2800 to 1500 during the period shown, moreover, a significant drop of appropximately 1500 was experienced in the number of Ubihard at the same time. In addition, the number of cyberium was experienced a marginal rise, prior to, witnessing a considerable rise from nearly 1800 to 3300 between February and April. In strark contrast, the figure of IGN remained stable at around 1000 during a period shown. In terms of the pie chart, the portion of Bioshock infinite held onto the first place, followed by, the figure for Pokemon Plantinum, which doubled that of Far cry 3, with 30% and 28% respectively. Futhermore, the proportion of Assassin’s Creed Unity was nearly similar to that of others, with 15% and 13% in turn.
The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of video game discs that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in four months in 2014 from four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
game stores, and the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of games that had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
sales over this time.

Overall
, the most noticeable feature is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cyberium
was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
store that experienced a steady increase in sales, while
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bioshock
Infinite was the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
best selling
game.

With regard to the line graph, The year 2014 witnessed a
You used an adverb ('dramatically') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('fall') instead of another adjective.
dramatically fall
of about 1500 in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gamestop
from roughly 2800 to 1500 during the period shown,
moreover
, a significant drop of
Possible spelling mistake found.
appropximately
1500
was experienced
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ubihard
at the same time.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cyberium
was experienced
a marginal rise, prior to, witnessing a considerable rise from
nearly
1800 to 3300 between February and April. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
strark
contrast, the figure of IGN remained stable at around 1000 during a period shown.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
terms of the pie chart, the portion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bioshock
infinite held onto the
first
place, followed by, the figure for
'Pokemon' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Pokémon"
Pokemon
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plantinum
, which doubled that of Far cry 3, with 30% and 28%
respectively
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, the proportion of Assassin’s Creed Unity was
nearly
similar to that of others, with 15% and 13% in turn.
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had the highest sales over this time.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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