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The line graph shows the number of newly graduated students in the UK, while the bar chart compares their proportions in five different jobs occupied by them in 1992, 1997, and 2002.

The line graph shows the number of newly graduated students in the UK, while the bar chart compares their proportions in five different jobs occupied by them in 1992, 1997, and 2002. Jolm0
The combination of line graph and bar graph depicts the information about the number of students who were freshly graduated in the Britian and a comparison between several professions occupied by them in the given years 1992, 1997 and 2002. The data is calibrated in numbers and percentage. Overall, it can be seen that the number of recently graduated pupils were followed an increasing trend. Whereas, the highest ratio of students who got employment in professions in the given period. To begin with, 165000 students who were freshly graduated in the UK in previous year and this figure rose dramatically and reached at 195000 in 1997 before dropping to 180000 in 2002. Turning to the remaining information, although, the ratio of pupils who got job in professions were decreased throughout the period, this figure was the highest on the chart ranged from around 58% in 1992 to nearly 45% in 2007. Likewise, the proportion of newly graduated who worked as a manager and administrative were at 20%, there was a slight decrease at nearly 19% in 1997 and remained stable in 2002. In contrast, less than 10 percent of students were enrolled in sales and other in the given years.
The combination of line graph and bar graph depicts the information about the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
freshly
graduated in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Britian
and a comparison between several professions occupied by them in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years 1992, 1997 and 2002. The data
is calibrated
in numbers and percentage.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of recently graduated pupils
were followed
an increasing trend.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the highest ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
employment in professions in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, 165000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
freshly
graduated in the UK in previous year and this figure rose
dramatically
and reached at 195000 in 1997
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dropping to 180000 in 2002. Turning to the remaining information, although, the ratio of pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
job in professions
were decreased
throughout the period, this figure was the highest on the chart ranged from around 58% in 1992 to
nearly
45% in 2007.
Likewise
, the proportion of
newly
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
worked as a manager and administrative were at 20%, there was a slight decrease at
nearly
19% in 1997 and remained stable in 2002.
In contrast
, less than 10 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were enrolled
in sales and other in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.

IELTS academic The line graph shows the number of newly graduated students in the UK, while the bar chart compares their proportions in five different jobs occupied by them in 1992, 1997, and 2002.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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