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The line graph shows the different in the birth rates of china and USA from 1920 to 2000.

The line graph shows the different in the birth rates of china and USA from 1920 to 2000. jVXY1
The line graph shows the different in the birth rates of china and USA from 1920 to 2000. It can be clearly seen that the graph had a downward trending. The birth rates of the USA almost always higher than china through 80 years The figures of the USA fluctuated from 1920 to 1940 and it always above 10 %. Until 1945 there was a sharply decrease to 5 %. Nearly 5 years later the birth rate had a dramatic increase to 15%. Throughout the remainder of the period the figures gradual decrease to 7% The birth rates of china had significant changes than the USA. During ten years from 1920 to 1930 the figures remained quite stable and always above 10%. Until 1935 there was a slight increase to 15%. But in 1940 the birth rates of China decreased rapidly to 5 %. Just after 5 years the figures rised up to 20%, and in the rest of the period it gradual decreased
The line graph
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shows
the
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different
in the
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birth
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rates
of china and USA from 1920 to 2000.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the graph had a downward trending. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of the USA almost always higher than china through 80 years

The
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figures
of the USA fluctuated from 1920 to 1940 and it always above 10 %.
“Until” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Until
1945 there was a
You used an adverb ('sharply') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
sharply decrease
to 5 %.
Nearly
5 years later the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
had a dramatic increase to 15%. Throughout the remainder of the period the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
gradual decrease to 7%

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of china had significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
than the USA. During ten years from 1920 to 1930 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
remained quite stable and always above 10%.
“Until” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Until
1935 there was a slight increase to 15%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 1940 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of China decreased
rapidly
to 5 %.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
after 5 years the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
up to 20%, and in the rest of the period
Possible mistake. Please verify.
it gradual
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
decreased
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the different in the birth rates of china and USA from 1920 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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