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The line graph illustrates the average temperatures in three prime cities namely Paris, Boston, and Melbourne from January to December on monthly basis.

The line graph illustrates the average temperatures in three prime cities namely Paris, Boston, and Melbourne from January to December on monthly basis. Kn7W0
The line graph illustrates the average temperatures in three prime cities namely Paris, Boston, and Melbourne from January to December on monthly basis. Overall, it can be seen that the highest and lowest temperatures are recorded by Boston city. On the other Melbourne temperature's fluctuated. Firstly, Paris and Boston have followed almost the same patterns up to July just under 25 and a little below 30 respectively. Whereas Paris temperature remained constant till August. However, Boston recorded its all-time highest with nearly 33 and then both cities' temperature started declining up to the month of December. On the other hand, Melbourne city followed the oppositive trend by recording the highest in the month of January around 26 degrees and decreased until July recording its lowest with just above 15 degrees. However, the city temperature began to rise from July and reached its maximum in the month of December similar to the temperature of January.
The line graph illustrates the average
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temperatures
in three prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
namely
Paris, Boston, and Melbourne from January to December on monthly basis.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest and lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperatures
are recorded
by Boston city. On the other Melbourne temperature's fluctuated.

Firstly
, Paris and Boston have followed almost the same patterns up to July
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 25 and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
below 30
respectively
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
Paris
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temperature
remained constant till August.
However
, Boston recorded its all-time highest with
nearly
33 and then both cities'
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temperature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
declining up to the month of December.

On the other hand
, Melbourne city followed the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppositive
trend by recording the highest in the month of January around 26 degrees and decreased until July

recording its lowest with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 15 degrees.
However
, the city
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temperature
began to rise from July and reached its maximum in the month of December

similar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
of January.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the average temperatures in three prime cities namely Paris, Boston, and Melbourne from January to December on monthly basis.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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