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Physical activity of men and women

Physical activity of men and women ABd3w
The bar chart depicts the proportion of different age group of Australian men and women who are involved in physical exercises regularly in 2010The majority of males, especially youngsters do more physical activities of about 52. 8%. But the men between 35 to 44, the percentage of their physical activities are decreasing by 39. 5%. On the other hand, females, who aged between 45 to 54 engaged in physical activities more compared to young females. There is a slight difference between the males and female’s age group of 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 are 2% and 0. 3% respectively. There is an increase of 1. 7% of men of the age group 65 and over. While on the female side there is a decrease of 5. 9%.
The bar chart depicts the proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age group of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who
are involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises
regularly
in 2010The majority of males,
especially
youngsters do more
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physical
activities of about 52. 8%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 44".
between 35 to 44
, the percentage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities are decreasing by 39. 5%.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, who aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 45 and 54".
between 45 to 54
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities more compared to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. There is a slight difference between the males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female’s
age group of 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 are 2% and 0. 3%
respectively
. There is an increase of 1. 7% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
of the age group 65 and over.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
side there is a decrease of 5. 9%.
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IELTS academic Physical activity of men and women

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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