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The line graph illustrates the average annual cost on cell phone and residential phone services over a 10 year period

The line graph illustrates the average annual cost on cell phone and residential phone services over a 10 year period y7jAr
The line graph illustrates the average annual cost on cell phone and residential phone services over a 10 year period. Overall, spending on residential phone services dramatically declined, while popularity of mobile services increased sharped throughout a decade. Also, both of services met at the same record in 2006. In 2001, spending on cell phone services began by merely $200, in same time period annual expenditure of residential phone services was less than $700. Over the five years, expenditure on landline phone services gradually dropped below $600, and expenditure on mobile phone services sharply raised and just over $500. In 2006. cell phones services overtook landline phones, and the services became equal in popularity with customers' annual expenditure of about $550. The, mobile phone expenses rose to approximately $750 in 2010, making a fourfold jump relatively to its initial figure in 2001. Meanwhile, spending on residential phone service expenses a steep fall in 2007 and went on to steadily decrease for the rest of the period.
The line graph illustrates the average annual cost on cell
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phone
and
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residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
over a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "10-year"
10 year
period.
Overall
, spending on
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residential
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
dramatically
declined, while popularity of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
increased sharped throughout a decade.
Also
, both of
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services
met at the same record in 2006.

In 2001, spending on cell
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phone
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services
began by
merely
$200, in same time period annual
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expenditure
of
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residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
was less than $700. Over the five years,
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expenditure
on landline
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phone
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services
gradually
dropped below $600, and
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expenditure
on mobile
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
sharply
raised and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over $500.

In 2006.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
cell
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phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
overtook landline
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phones
, and the
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services
became equal in popularity with customers' annual
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expenditure
of about $550. The, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
expenses rose to approximately $750 in 2010, making a fourfold jump
relatively
to its initial figure in 2001. Meanwhile, spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
expenses a steep fall in 2007 and went on to
steadily
decrease for the rest of the period.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the average annual cost on cell phone and residential phone services over a 10 year period

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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