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The line graph illustrates activity participation in a British sports club from 1993 to 2013.

The line graph illustrates activity participation in a British sports club from 1993 to 2013. 73Roy
The line graph illustrates activity participation in a British sports club from 1993 to 2013. To summarize, from 1993 to 2013, swimming members dominated the largest rate in all but then declined significantly until 2013. Following that are team sports and gym activities, which had a low proportion at the start but increased steadily over the next 15 years. Swimming had by far the highest participation rate of the three exercises in the first five years, reaching 50 percent. However, from 2000 to 2013 swimming members saw a remarkable decline to 15% in request of joiners. In contrast, both team sports and gym activities attracted a lower percentage of members at the outset, at around near a third and a small fraction. Surprisingly, over the next 15 years, team sports gradually rose to be the exercise with the highest proportion participation, at 40% in particular. Gym activities are repeated at a familiar upward trend with the following sport, which then stabilize.
The line graph illustrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
participation in a British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club from 1993 to 2013.

To summarize
, from 1993 to 2013, swimming members dominated the largest rate in all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then declined
significantly
until 2013. Following that are team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which had a low proportion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
increased
steadily
over the
next
15 years.

Swimming had by far the highest participation rate of the three exercises in the
first
five years, reaching 50 percent.
However
, from 2000 to 2013 swimming members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a remarkable decline to 15% in request of joiners.

In contrast
, both team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
attracted a lower percentage of members at the outset, at around near a third and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fraction.
Surprisingly
, over the
next
15 years, team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
gradually
rose to be the exercise with the highest proportion participation, at 40%
in particular
. Gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are repeated
at a familiar upward trend with the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which then stabilize.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates activity participation in a British sports club from 1993 to 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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