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Language selected by 15-year-old students in a school in Australia

Language selected by 15-year-old students in a school in Australia NlgO0
The following bar chart illustrates the languages that 15 years old pupil from an Australian school have picked to learn. Overall, it is clear that learning French had always been prefered over learning Japanese over the 10 years period in the Australian school. Furthermore, only in 2010 that the number of students picked learning Japanese rivaled the number from the ones that were learning French. The amount of French learning students peaked at the highest at the starting point of the chart in 2005. These numbers gradually decreases throughout the year and stayed slightly fluctuated from the year 2008 and onwards. On the other hand, the pupils have picked Japanese has been significantly lower compare to the other group starting at only 10 students in 2005. The number has increased tremendously for the next four years, however, it peaked in 2010 at 85 students rivaling the other mentioned group.
The following bar chart illustrates the languages that 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
pupil from an Australian school have picked to learn.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that
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learning
French had always been
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
over
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learning
Japanese over the 10 years period in the Australian school.
Furthermore
,
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only
in 2010 that the
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number
of
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students
picked
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learning
Japanese rivaled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
from the ones that were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
French.

The amount of French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
peaked at the highest at the starting point of the chart in 2005. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
gradually
decreases throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and stayed
slightly
fluctuated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2008 and onwards.

On the other hand
, the pupils have picked Japanese has been
significantly
lower compare to the other group starting at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 2005. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
has increased
tremendously
for the
next
four years,
however
, it peaked in 2010 at 85
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rivaling the other mentioned group.

IELTS academic Language selected by 15-year-old students in a school in Australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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