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The line graph illustrated the amount of visits overseas by people residing in the UK and also the number of visits to the UK by foreigners

The line graph illustrated the amount of visits overseas by people residing in the UK and also the number of visits to the UK by foreigners. The period analysed is 20 years, between 1979 and 1999. The unit of measure was millions of visits. The bar chart indicated where UK residents travelled the most abroad in 1999. In this case, the unit of measure was millions of UK visitors. Overall, both visits from and to the UK increased, in particular trips abroad rose significantly. In addition, the nation which received the most UK visitors was France, followed by Spain, whereas Turkey, Greece and the USA had approximately only one third of the people who visited France and Spain. While the figure representing the visits to the United Kingdom rose steadily from 10 millions in 1979 to around 28 millions twenty years later, the number of visits overseas grew more dramatically. It started in fact at about 12 millions visits and over the period given it rose up to about 52 millions. In addition, Turkey, Greece and the United Stated were visited by less than approximately 4 millions UK visitors in 1999, while Spain reached about 8 millions. Finally, France saw the highest number of visitors with approximately 12 millions.
The line graph illustrated the amount of
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visits
overseas by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
residing in the UK and
also
the number of
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visits
to the UK by foreigners. The period
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analysed’ is British English.
analysed
is 20 years, between 1979 and 1999. The unit of measure was
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millions
of
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visits
. The bar chart indicated where UK residents travelled the most abroad in 1999.
In this case
, the unit of measure was
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millions
of UK visitors.

Overall
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
from and to the UK increased,
in particular
trips abroad rose
significantly
.
In addition
, the nation which received the most UK visitors was France, followed by Spain, whereas Turkey, Greece and the USA had approximately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one third of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who visited France and Spain.

While the figure representing the
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visits
to the United Kingdom rose
steadily
from 10
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millions
in 1979 to around 28
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millions
twenty years later, the number of
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visits
overseas grew more
dramatically
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in fact at about 12
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millions
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visits
and over the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
it rose up to about 52 millions.

In addition
, Turkey, Greece and the United Stated
were visited
by less than approximately 4
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millions
UK visitors in 1999, while Spain reached about 8
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millions
.
Finally
, France
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the highest number of visitors with approximately 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrated the amount of visits overseas by people residing in the UK and also the number of visits to the UK by foreigners

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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