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The line graph gives information about the number of British children who took put in three different sports from 2008 to 2014

The line graph gives information about the number of British children who took put in three different sports from 2008 to 2014 0ldR5
The diagram shows us many figures about the quantities of children in England joining three kind of sports include football, athletics and swimming between 2008 and 2014. Analysing the graph, the most favorite sport is football which has the slight increase over 6-year period. The sport, which has enormous change, is athletics. The figures of swimming in 2014 were twice as large as those in 2008 and it's growth was steady. In 2008, the children who play football are at around 8 millions, after 6 years, the number are rise to nearly 9 millions. The time of 2008, the kids in swimming are about 2 millions, which are greater than those in athletics are 0. 5 millions but it were totally inverse in 2014 by 3. 5 millions and 4 millions. The children joining in football are double what those are in athletics or swimming in 2014. Overall, all of the children's quantities are in upward trend and have some fluctuations.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
figures about the quantities of children in England joining three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'kind' seems to be countable, so consider using: "kinds".
kind
of sports include
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football
, athletics and swimming between 2008 and 2014.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the graph, the most favorite sport is
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football
which has the slight increase over 6-year period. The sport, which has enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, is athletics. The figures of swimming in 2014 were twice as large as those in 2008 and it's growth was steady.

In 2008, the children who play
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football
are at around 8
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millions
, after 6 years, the number are rise to
nearly
9
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millions
. The time of 2008, the kids in swimming are about 2
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millions
, which are greater than those in athletics are 0. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it were
totally
inverse in 2014 by 3. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
and 4
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millions
. The children joining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
are double what those are in athletics or swimming in 2014.

Overall
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
children's quantities are in upward trend and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations.
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IELTS academic The line graph gives information about the number of British children who took put in three different sports from 2008 to 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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