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The line graph for stock price

The line graph illustrate the variations in stock price of Ahmad companies from January 2006 to December 2010. The measurements unit given in euros. Overall, it can be seen that, despite some fluctuations in the share price over the whole period, but it hit a high for two times. In 2006, the share price stood at 12 euros. However, the price gradually increased over the 2006, and reaching just above 30 and the end of the year.  Thereafter, there was oscillated between 27 and 22 euros and then increased dramatically to 30 euros, so thereby hitting its second peak at the beginning of 2008. Afterthat, the stock price plunged to a low of 7 at the end of the year, which was followed by slightly rise to 15 euros in 2009, and remained stable for the following next year and levelling off at this price.
The line graph illustrate the variations in stock
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price
of Ahmad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from January 2006 to December 2010. The measurements unit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in euros.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations in the share
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price
over the whole period,
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but
it hit a high for two times. In 2006, the share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
stood at 12 euros.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
gradually
increased over the 2006, and reaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 30 and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.  Thereafter, there
was oscillated
between 27 and 22 euros and then increased
dramatically
to 30 euros,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
thereby hitting its second peak at the beginning of 2008. Afterthat, the stock
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price
plunged to a low of 7 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year, which
was followed
by
slightly
rise to 15 euros in 2009, and remained stable for the following
next
year and levelling off at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
.

IELTS academic The line graph for stock price

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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