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The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

This bar chart shows information about further education of male and female in Britain. It demonstrates three different periods between 1970/71 to 1990/91 and the type of time that they spent if it was a full-time or a part-time education. During 1970 to 1970, Men used to spend more time in part-time education than women. Around 100 thousands men were in further education by that time. In the second period between 1980 to 1981, the numbers were almost equals for both of them in part-time education. But in full-time education, the number of females that spent full-time studying was bigger than the number of males, almost 200 thousands. In the last period both have around 200 thousand in further education. Although women have spent more time in part-time education, more than 1000 thousand in this kind of education. As a conclusion, females have spent more time in further education than males.
This bar chart
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shows
information about
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further
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education
of male and female in Britain. It demonstrates three
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different
periods between 1970/71 to 1990/91 and the type of
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time
that they
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spent
if it was a full-time or a part-time education.

During 1970 to 1970,
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Men
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used
to spend more
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time
in part-time
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education
than women. Around 100 thousands
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men
were in
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further
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education
by that
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time
. In the second period between 1980 to 1981, the numbers were almost equals for both of them in part-time
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education
.
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But
in full-time
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education
, the number of females that
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spent
full-time studying was bigger than the number of males, almost 200 thousands. In the last period both have around 200 thousand in
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further
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education
. Although women have
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spent
more
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time
in part-time
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education
, more than 1000 thousand in this kind of education.

As a conclusion, females have
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spent
more
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time
in
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further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than males.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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