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The line chart details the numbers for oil use in the US, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe, and Japan from 2009 to 2030.

The line chart details the numbers for oil use in the US, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe, and Japan from 2009 to 2030. JX6a
The line chart details the numbers for oil use in the US, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe, and Japan from 2009 to 2030. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that despite the US consuming the most oil throughout, this is projected to fall dramatically. Western Europe and Japan’s numbers will continue to decline to become the lowest by the end of the period while consumption will increase steadily in the Middle East and China. Looking first of all at the United States, consumption began by hovering at just under 10 million from 2009 to 2015 through a precipitous fall is forecast to just over 4 million by 2030. Western Europe and Japan are also predicted to maintain a negative trend, which started at under 4 million barrels a day in 2009 and will end at just over 2 million. The patterns are similar for China and the Middle East with both commencing at just under 2 million barrels. The former then rose quickly to slightly below 4 million by the present period and is expected to plateau and decline marginally at the end of the time surveyed. The latter will undertake a steadier rise and both regions will likely intersect at around 3 million barrels by 2030.
The line chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the numbers for oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the US, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe, and Japan from 2009 to 2030. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that despite the US consuming the most oil throughout, this
is projected
to fall
dramatically
. Western Europe and Japan’s numbers will continue to decline to become the lowest by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period while consumption will increase
steadily
in the Middle East and China.

Looking
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
at the United States, consumption began by hovering at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
from 2009 to 2015 through a precipitous fall is forecast to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
by 2030. Western Europe and Japan are
also
predicted to maintain a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at under 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
barrels a day in 2009 and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2 million.

The patterns are similar for China and the Middle East with both commencing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
barrels. The former then rose
quickly
to
slightly
below 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
by the present period and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to plateau and decline
marginally
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the time surveyed.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
latter will undertake a steadier rise and both regions will likely intersect at around 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
barrels by 2030.

IELTS academic The line chart details the numbers for oil use in the US, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe, and Japan from 2009 to 2030.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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