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the life cycle of the salmon

the life cycle of the salmon moOA
As you can see, by the diagram from the top middle box, it gave a simple illustration about where the salmon eggs do were to grow safely, which the carrier will put the salmon eggs in upper river between reeds, where they are safely hidden and covered by small stones, which help camouflage from any prey. These eggs will stay there approximately around 5-6 month until they hatch into small salmon guppies. Next, after the eggs are hatch, they grow about 3-8 cm after eating some of the yolk from the eggs, this fry will slowly go to fast flowing river to find some food, which they feed on plankton or insect that commonly appear. For approximately 4 years eating insects, plankton or other they will grow into a medium size, which they are called smolt, these smolt will grow for 12-15 cm long. next, the smolt will eventually travel to an open sea where they could find better resources of food to feed such as smaller fish, shrimp, insects and other more. For approximately 5 years into an adult salmon, which they could grow around 70-76 cm long. Finally, the adult salmon will find a mate and lay salmon eggs by the upper river. By these diagrams, we could conclude how salmon life cycle happen and we could keep on feasting their tender meat.
As you can
see
, by the diagram from the top middle box, it gave a simple illustration about where the salmon eggs do were to
grow
safely
, which the carrier will put the salmon eggs in upper river between reeds, where they are
safely
hidden and covered by
small
stones, which
help
camouflage from any prey. These eggs will stay there approximately around 5-6 month until they hatch into
small
salmon guppies.
Next
, after the eggs are hatch, they
grow
about 3-8 cm after eating
some of the
yolk from the eggs, this fry will
slowly
go to
fast
flowing river to find
some
food, which they feed on plankton or insect that
commonly
appear. For approximately 4 years eating insects, plankton or other they will
grow
into a medium size, which they
are called
smolt
,
these smolt
will
grow
for 12-15 cm long.
next
, the
smolt
will
eventually
travel to an open sea where they could find better resources of food to feed such as smaller fish, shrimp, insects and other more. For approximately 5 years into an adult salmon, which they could
grow
around 70-76 cm long.
Finally
, the adult salmon will find a mate and lay salmon eggs by the upper river. By these diagrams, we could conclude how salmon life cycle
happen and
we could
keep
on feasting their tender meat.
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IELTS academic the life cycle of the salmon

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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