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The information about new doctors' salaries

The information about new doctors' salaries r1Kq6
The graph displays average salaries of new doctors between men and women during thirty years from 1980 to 2010. During the last 30 years, average salary for men is always higher than women. For women, the average salary started from 100, 000 dollars in 1980 and increases steadily to a value of nearly 170, 000 dollars in 2010. The increase in average salaries for women becomes milder since 1990. For men, the average salary is almost 130, 000 dollars in 1980 and then indicates an increasing trend through the thirty years between 1980 and 2010. For men, increase rate of average salary shows steeper trend in 2000, and then afterward it keeps to soar until 2010. Furthermore, the difference between the salaries of men and women alters through the years with the maximum value of almost 60, 000 dollars in 1980 and 2010.
The graph displays
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average
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salaries
of new doctors between
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men
and
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women
during thirty years from 1980 to 2010. During the last 30 years,
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average
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salary
for
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men
is always higher than women.

For
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women
, the
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average
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salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 100, 000
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dollars
in 1980 and increases
steadily
to a value of
nearly
170, 000
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dollars
in 2010. The increase in
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for
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women
becomes milder since 1990. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, the
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is almost 130, 000
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dollars
in 1980 and then indicates an increasing trend through the thirty years between 1980 and 2010. For
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men
, increase rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
steeper trend in 2000, and then afterward it
The verb 'keeps' is used with the gerund form: "keeps soaring".
keeps to soar
until 2010.
Furthermore
, the difference between the
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salaries
of
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men
and
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women
alters through the years with the maximum value of almost 60, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 1980 and 2010.
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IELTS academic The information about new doctors' salaries

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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