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THE GRAPHS BELOW SHOW THE TYPES OF MUSIC ALBUMS PURCHASEIN BRITAIND BY PEOPLE ACCORDING TO SEX AND AGE.

THE GRAPHS BELOW SHOW THE TYPES OF MUSIC ALBUMS PURCHASEIN BRITAIND BY PEOPLE ACCORDING TO SEX AND AGE. 1ngYM
THE GIVEN BAR CHART DEMONSTRATES THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN BRITAIN WHO PURCHASED SOME KINDS OF MUSIC ALBUMS ACCORDING TO THEIR AGE AND SEX. OVERALL, IT IS CLEARLY SEEN IN THE BAR CHART A LARGE PROPORTION OF YOUNG ADULTS HAVE PURCHASED THE POP MUSIC MOST. HOWEVER, LOTS OF ELDERLY PEOPLE HAVE NOT BUY POP PIECES OF MUSIC. ACCORDING TO THE DETAIL, MALES WHO STOCKING UP THE CHEERFUL KINDS OF MUSIC ARE UNDER THE 30%, NEVERTHELESS, THE PERCENTAGE OF FEMALES ARE REPRESENTED TO AROUND 18% RESPECTIVELY. AFTERWARDS, 25 % OF BRITAIN PEOPLE BUYING THE POL KINDS OF MUSIC WHO ARE 25-34 AGES. NEVERTHELESS, OLDER INDIVIDUALS ARE MADE UP TO AROUND 11 PERCENT. ALSO, IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT, HUMANS WHO ARE 45 AGE ARE THE LOWEST PROPORTION TO BUY THE POP MUSIC. THE MOST POPULAR AGES ARE 25-34 WHO STOCKING UP THE FOLK MUSIC, IN CONTRAST, YOUNG BRAINS AND YOUNG ADULTS WHO ARE 16-24 AGES PURCHASED OF POP SONG EXACTLY 30%.
THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
BAR CHART DEMONSTRATES THE NUMBER OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
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WHO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
IN BRITAIN
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WHO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PURCHASED
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
KINDS OF
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MUSIC
ALBUMS ACCORDING TO THEIR
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AGE
AND SEX.

OVERALL
, IT IS
CLEARLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEEN
IN THE BAR CHART A LARGE PROPORTION OF YOUNG ADULTS HAVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PURCHASED
THE POP
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MUSIC
MOST.
HOWEVER
, LOTS OF ELDERLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
HAVE NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
POP PIECES OF MUSIC.

ACCORDING TO THE DETAIL, MALES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
STOCKING UP THE CHEERFUL KINDS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
ARE UNDER THE 30%,
NEVERTHELESS
, THE PERCENTAGE OF FEMALES
ARE REPRESENTED
TO AROUND 18%
RESPECTIVELY
. AFTERWARDS, 25 % OF BRITAIN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
BUYING THE POL KINDS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
ARE 25-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGES
.
NEVERTHELESS
, OLDER INDIVIDUALS
ARE MADE
UP TO AROUND 11 PERCENT.
ALSO
, IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT, HUMANS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
ARE 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
ARE THE LOWEST PROPORTION TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
THE POP MUSIC.

THE MOST POPULAR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGES
ARE 25-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
STOCKING UP THE FOLK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
,
IN CONTRAST
, YOUNG BRAINS AND YOUNG ADULTS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
ARE 16-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PURCHASED
OF POP SONG EXACTLY 30%.
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IELTS academic THE GRAPHS BELOW SHOW THE TYPES OF MUSIC ALBUMS PURCHASEIN BRITAIND BY PEOPLE ACCORDING TO SEX AND AGE.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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