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The graphs below show the numbers and the percentages of children (aged 0-14) and young people (aged 15-24) in the Australian population from 1958 to the present and projections until 2038. SUmmarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs display the quantity and the percentages of children up to 14 years and young people from 15 to 24 years in Australia from 1958 to 2038. Overall, the number of children and young people increased until current year and is predicted to be increased until 2038, while the percentage of age group up to 14 has and predicted to have a tremendous decline and age group from 15 to 24 years has a mild fall during a mentioned period. Looking into details, the percentage of children up to 14 years old has a considerable fall from roughly 30 % in 1958 to approximately 20% in 2038, while the number of children belonging to this age group was increased from 3 million in 1958 to predicted 5 million children in 2038. Having increased from roughly 14 % in 1958 to almost 18 % in 1978, the number of children from 15 to 24 years plunged to a low of approximately predicted 11 % in 2038.
The graphs display the quantity and the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up to 14 years and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from 15 to 24 years in Australia from 1958 to 2038.
Overall
, the number of
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children
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
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year
and is
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predicted
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
until 2038, while the percentage of age group up to 14
Possible agreement error. The noun 'has' seems to be countable, so consider using: "haves".
has
and
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predicted
to have a tremendous decline and age group from 15 to 24 years has a mild fall during a mentioned period.

Looking into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up to 14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
has a considerable fall from roughly 30 % in 1958 to approximately 20% in 2038, while the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
belonging to this age group was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
from 3 million in 1958 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
predicted
5 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 2038. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
from roughly 14 % in 1958 to almost 18 % in 1978, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from 15 to 24 years plunged to a low of approximately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
predicted
11 % in 2038.

IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers and the percentages of children (aged 0-14) and young people (aged 15-24) in the Australian population from 1958 to the present and projections until 2038.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graphs below show the numbers and the percentages of children (aged 0-14) and young people (aged 15-24) in the Australian population from 1958 to the present and projections until 2038. SUmmarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.