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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. RdPQ
The two charts indicate how many foreign and local students enrole in Australian universities between 2001-2010. Overall, It is clear from the charts that total number of students both foreign and local increased almost every year. While, proportion of commencing students is interesting because the growth rate of commencing foreign students is far more than local students. In 2001, the total amount of overseas students was only 20, 000 student and augment every year untill 2010, the total of overseas student was at 80, 000. Whereas, local students was around 400, 000 students and reach a maximum in 2007. After that, the total of local students was remain constant. However, the number of commencing students who were foreign people was gradually increased and reach its peak on 2009 with approximately 40, 000 student. In the meanwhile, local students who commenced was fluctuated but not too much. It was in the range of 200, 000 student.
The two charts indicate how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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foreign
and
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local
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students
Possible spelling mistake found.
enrole
in Australian universities between 2001-2010.

Overall
, It is
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clear
from the charts that
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total
number of
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students
both
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foreign
and
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local
increased almost every year. While, proportion of commencing
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students
is interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the growth rate of commencing
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foreign
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students
is far more than
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local
students.

In 2001, the
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total
amount of overseas
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students
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20, 000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable, so consider using: "students".
student
and augment every year
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untill
2010, the
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total
of overseas
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student
was at 80, 000. Whereas,
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local
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students
was around 400, 000
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students
and reach a maximum in 2007. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
constant.

However
, the number of commencing
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students
who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was
gradually
increased and reach its peak on 2009 with approximately 40, 000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable, so consider using: "students".
student
. In the meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who commenced
was fluctuated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too much. It was in the range of 200, 000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable, so consider using: "students".
student
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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