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The graph shows the numbers of male and female workers

The graph shows the numbers of male and female workers rGd2p
The graph indicates the numbers of workers in a variety of workspaces based on sexuality in two decades between 1997 and 1995. The numbers of women workers rose significantly during this period while men workers population have almost remained consistent. In both manufacturing and non-defense public sector, the numbers for both sexualities approximately remained steady. In communication and finance/banking women workers' population rose significantly from 220, 000 to 520, 000 and banking female workers increased noticeably from 110, 000 to 410, 000 workers whereas male workers remained steadily unchanged with 300, 000 in communication and also about 430, 000 in banking workspace. Although men workers were more than women workers in wholesale and retail trade by 1975 with a massive increase in female population from 510, 000 to 720, 000 workers overtook men workers. 25, 000 women worked in public sector defense in 1975 increased to 100, 000 workers while 210, 000 men workers fall marginally into 200, 000 workers. However, women workers became extremely populated during this period but still, the numbers of men workers were more than them.
The graph indicates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
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workers
in a variety of workspaces based on sexuality in two decades between 1997 and 1995.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
rose
significantly
during this period while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
population have almost remained consistent.

In both manufacturing and non-defense public sector, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
for both sexualities approximately remained steady.

In communication and finance/banking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
workers' population rose
significantly
from 220, 000 to 520, 000 and banking female
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workers
increased
noticeably
from 110, 000 to 410, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
whereas male
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workers
remained
steadily
unchanged with 300, 000 in communication and
also
about 430, 000 in banking workspace.

Although
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men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in wholesale and retail trade by 1975 with a massive increase in female population from 510, 000 to 720, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
overtook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. 25, 000
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women
worked in public sector defense in 1975 increased to 100, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
while 210, 000
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men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
fall
marginally
into 200, 000 workers.

However
,
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
became
extremely
populated during this period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were more than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
.

IELTS academic The graph shows the numbers of male and female workers

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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