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the graph show information about the recruiment of teachers

the graph show information about the recruiment of teachers LlnD6
10/36 The line graph illustrates the proportion of first-year teachers for two languages – French and English in Ontario from 2001 to 2007. In 2001, the percentage of new graduates English-language teachers was about 71%, while the figure for French-language teachers was lower, at about 70%. However, in the next year, they are dramatic fall by 9% in both categories. Between 2002 and 2007, the rate of success in finding jobs for English-language teachers rose slightly and hit the point at 45%, then the figure for English teachers has gone down to below 40%. In contrast, the figure for teachers of Frech dropped sharply and researched around 75% in the last year. Overall, It is clear that the figure for English teachers and French teachers are opposite. The rate of English teachers who got employment decreased sharply during this period, whereas the share of French teachers increased gradually.
10/36

The line graph illustrates the proportion of
first
-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
for two languages
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
French and English in Ontario from 2001 to 2007.

In 2001, the percentage of new graduates English-language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
was about 71%, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for French-language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
was lower, at about 70%.
However
, in the
next
year, they are dramatic fall by 9% in both categories.

Between 2002 and 2007, the rate of success in finding jobs for English-language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
rose
slightly
and hit the point at 45%, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
has gone down to below 40%.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Frech
dropped
sharply
and researched around 75% in the last year.

Overall
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are opposite. The rate of English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
employment decreased
sharply
during this period, whereas the share of French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
increased
gradually
.

IELTS academic the graph show information about the recruiment of teachers

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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