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The graph illustrates the amount of people in terms of gender in working full and part time in Australia during 1973-1993.

The graph illustrates the amount of people in terms of gender in working full and part time in Australia during 1973-1993. Qwq1y
The graph illustrates the amount of people in terms of gender in working full and part time in Australia during 1973-1993. Overall, Full-time employments recorded an increase for women but a decrease for men. Besides, Part-time jobs seem to rise for both genders. It is evident that the percentages of full time males have declined during 20 years. More specifically, approximately 60% of men between the age of 15 and 19 worked as full-time employees in 1973, and the figure then increased dramatically before hovering around 90% as they grew older. However, the percentages fluctuated between 5 % and 85 % in 1993 although the same pattern was repeated. In addition, for full-time women, the older the women became, the less likely they were to be employed. In 1973 the indicators of full-time women peaked at approximately 55 % and in 1993 registered 10% higher. According to the chart, it can be seen clearly that both sexes witnessed a remarkable increase. In 1973, only a small percentage of men worked part-time, while the number increased by 5% after two decades. Furthermore, women who are 35-39, showed the greatest proportion of part time work which was 13 % more than in
The graph illustrates the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in terms of gender in working full and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
in Australia during 1973-1993.
Overall
, Full-time employments recorded an increase for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a decrease for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Besides
, Part-time jobs seem to rise for both genders.

It is evident that the percentages of full time males have declined during 20 years. More
specifically
, approximately 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
between the age of 15 and 19 worked as full-time employees in 1973, and the figure then increased
dramatically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hovering around 90% as they grew older.
However
, the percentages fluctuated between 5 % and 85 % in 1993 although the same pattern
was repeated
.
In addition
, for full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, the older the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
became, the less likely they were to
be employed
. In 1973 the indicators of full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
peaked at approximately 55 % and in 1993 registered 10% higher. According to the chart, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that both sexes witnessed a remarkable increase. In 1973,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
worked part-time, while the number increased by 5% after two decades.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are 35-39,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the greatest proportion of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
work which was 13 % more than in
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the amount of people in terms of gender in working full and part time in Australia during 1973-1993.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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