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The graph demonstrates the percentage of using internet for various purposes by canadian men and women who are between 15 to 24 years old in 2000.

The graph demonstrates the percentage of using internet for various purposes by canadian men and women who are between 15 to 24 years old in 2000. KWDdw
The graph demonstrates the percentage of using internet for various purposes by canadian men and women who are between 15 to 24 years old in 2000. A cursory glance at the graph is enough to make it manifest that majority of them used the internet for email. Least males and females used the internet for research and education purpose. The biggest discrepancy lies between those two groups are in the getting good and services through internet and in online shopping. 71% and 70% females and males used the internet for sending and receiving emails respectively. Most of the canadains regardless their gender, have no interest to use the internet for research and education purpose. Only 9% female and 13% male use the internet for this purpose. In terms of using the internet for getting good and services males are 10% ahead of female: 71% and 61% respectively used the internet for getting goods and services in 2000. In contrast, when it comes using the internet for online shopping girls were ahead with same difference as boys in gettings good and services. 38% girls and 28% boys use the internet for shopping. Use the internet for chat rooms, there is no considerable difference between men and female; 50% and 48% used the internet for chat rooms respectively. But there is a slight difference in terms of playing online games. 58% female use internet to play games whereas 64% males play games in online.
The graph demonstrates the percentage of using internet for various
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purposes
by
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canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who are
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 24".
between 15 to 24
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in 2000.

A cursory glance at the graph is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it manifest that majority of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for email.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Least".
Least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
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females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for research and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
. The biggest discrepancy lies between those two groups are in the getting
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good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
through internet and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

71% and 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for sending and receiving emails
respectively
. Most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
canadains
regardless their gender, have no interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for research and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
9%
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female
and 13% male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
. In terms of using the internet for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are 10% ahead of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
: 71% and 61%
respectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in 2000.
In contrast
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
using the internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping girls were ahead with same difference as boys in
Possible spelling mistake found.
gettings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. 38% girls and 28% boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for shopping.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
the internet for chat rooms, there is no considerable difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
; 50% and 48%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for chat rooms
respectively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a slight difference in terms of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games. 58%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet to play games whereas 64%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
play games in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
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IELTS academic The graph demonstrates the percentage of using internet for various purposes by canadian men and women who are between 15 to 24 years old in 2000.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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