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The graph below shows the rate of smoking in Malaysia by men and women. Write a report, discussing the information shown below.

The graph below shows the rate of smoking in Malaysia by men and women. Write a report, discussing the information shown below. 11wKA
The graph compares the rate of smoking in men and women in Malaysia between the years 2000 and 2009. It can be clearly seen that the rate of smoking for both men and women is currently declining and that fewer women smoked throughout the period. In 2001, 600 men in every 1000 were smoked. This number decreased gradually to 500 in 2004 and continued to decrease more steeply to 250 in 2009. In contrast, the rate of smoking in women in 2000 was very low at only 80 in every 1000. By 2001 this increased to 170, and increased again but more steeply to 320 in 2005. The rate of female of smokers then remained stable until 2006 at which point figure began to decline and had dropped to 200 by 2009. In conclusion, we can see that the rate of smoking in men dropped throughout the whole period but always at higher level than the female figures. The rate of smoking in women increased until 2004 but then decreased for the rest of the period.
The graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
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smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Malaysia between the years 2000 and 2009. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is
currently
declining and that fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smoked throughout the period. In 2001, 600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in every 1000
were smoked
. This number decreased
gradually
to 500 in 2004 and continued to decrease more
steeply
to 250 in 2009.
In contrast
, the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 2000 was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
80 in every 1000. By 2001 this increased to 170, and increased again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
steeply
to 320 in 2005. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of female of smokers then remained stable until 2006 at which point figure began to decline and had dropped to 200 by 2009.
In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
dropped throughout the whole period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
always at higher level than the female figures. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
increased until 2004
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then decreased for the rest of the period.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the rate of smoking in Malaysia by men and women. Write a report, discussing the information shown below.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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