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The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. PQkB
The diagram displays the volume of information requests received by Toursist Information Office in a city within six-month period in a particular year. The in person enquiries are increased more than four times as it compared between Jan and Jun. But the requests using letter or by email reduced a lot within the six-month period. As this method contrasted with others, It is the least used method of requesting information in the recent time. The enquiries over telephone are become less popular in February. But in the month of March, The Tourist Information Office flowed with increased number of informational requests. In July, The most used form to request information is using in person as it releated to other forms of requests including telephone and by letter or email in the first six-month period of 2011. The least used method after the six month period is using telephone for requesting tourist information with less than 400 enquiries per month.
The diagram displays the volume of
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information
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requests
received by
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Toursist
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Information
Office in a city within six-month
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period
in a particular year.

The in person
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
are increased
more than four times as it compared between Jan and Jun.
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But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requests
using letter or by email
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
a lot within the six-month
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period
. As this method contrasted with others, It is the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
method of requesting
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information
in the recent time.

The
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
over telephone
are become
less popular in February.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the month of March, The Tourist
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Information
Office flowed with increased number of informational
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requests
. In July, The most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
form to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is using in person as it
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releated
to other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requests
including telephone and by letter or email in the
first
six-month
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 2011. The least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
method after the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "six-month"
six month
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period
is using telephone for requesting tourist
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information
with less than 400
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
per month.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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