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The graph below shows the green area in San Francisco and New York between january 2014 and January 2020.

The graph below shows the green area in San Francisco and New York between january 2014 and January 2020. G9mQx
The graph illustrates the percentage of green area in San Francisco and New York over a 6-year period from January 2014 to January 2020. The proportion of green area in New York tended to increase noticeably where as that in San Francisco declined gradually as a whole over the period. The green area in New York accounted for almost four percent. It was considerably lower than that in San Francisco, which made up approximately ten percent in January 2014. The share of green area in New York rose moderately and levelled off at four percent between January 2015 and January 2016. The proportion doubled from four percent in January 2016 to slightly over eight percent in January 2020. In contrast, the percentage of green area in San Francisco fell drastically from ten percent in January 2014 to around five percent in January 2020 despite a moderate rise between January 2016 and January 2017. In conclusion, San Francisco used to have more green area than New York between January 2014 and January 2018. As it experienced an upward trend in green area in New York and there was a steady reduction in San Francisco, the portion of green area in New York has become higher than that in San Francisco since January 2019.
The graph illustrates the percentage of
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green
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area
in San Francisco and
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New
York over a 6-year period from January 2014 to January 2020. The proportion of
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green
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area
in
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New
York tended to increase
noticeably
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
that in San Francisco declined
gradually
as a whole over the period.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in
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New
York accounted for almost four
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percent
. It was
considerably
lower than that in San Francisco, which made up approximately ten
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percent
in January 2014. The share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York rose
moderately
and levelled off at four
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percent
between January 2015 and January 2016. The proportion doubled from four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in January 2016 to
slightly
over eight
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percent
in January 2020.
In contrast
, the percentage of
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green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in San Francisco fell
drastically
from ten
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percent
in January 2014 to around five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in January 2020 despite a moderate rise between January 2016 and January 2017.

In conclusion
, San Francisco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York between January 2014 and January 2018. As it experienced an upward trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York and there was a steady reduction in San Francisco, the portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York has become higher than that in San Francisco since January 2019.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the green area in San Francisco and New York between january 2014 and January 2020.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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