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The graph below shows the employment rate of each gender in four different countries in 2002.

The graph below shows the employment rate of each gender in four different countries in 2002. 5AWED
The chart depicts how the both sexes rate of employments in 4 countries namely South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway changed in 2002. Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of male employees was higher than that of female in all four countries. It is also worth noting that the percentage of both men and women employees in Norway was higher than that in the others. Firstly, looking at Norway, this country had the highest employment figures among all countries, reaching high 70% to 80% for both men and women. Having a similar pattern, the ratio of Finland workers of men to women were relatively evenly distributed. The gap between the two sexes is 10% (males are just under 70% and women are approximately 66%). Next, Chile’s gender balance between men and women is out of control. While male workers in Finland and Chile are almost equal, at 70%, female workers are a big difference, female workers are only half as many as male workers. Coming to South Africa, only 50% of all the men had occupations, which was the lowest statistic for male worker, and less than 40% of the women were employed.
The chart depicts how the both sexes rate of employments in 4
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countries
namely
South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in 2002.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of male employees was higher than that of female in all four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is
also
worth noting that the percentage of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
employees in Norway was higher than that in the others.
Firstly
, looking at Norway, this
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country
had the highest employment figures among all
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countries
, reaching high 70% to 80% for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Having a similar pattern, the ratio of Finland
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workers
of
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men
to
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women
were
relatively
evenly
distributed. The gap between the two sexes is 10%
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(males
are
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just
under 70% and
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women
are approximately 66%).
Next
, Chile’s gender balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is out of control. While male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in Finland and Chile are almost equal, at 70%, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference, female
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workers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. Coming to South Africa,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50% of all the
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men
had occupations, which was the lowest statistic for male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
, and less than 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were employed
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the employment rate of each gender in four different countries in 2002.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 7.0
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