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the graph below shows the demand for electricity in england during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart show how electricity is used in an average English home

the graph below shows the demand for electricity in england during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart show how electricity is used in an average English home YNJd
The Demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer is illustrated in the graph. The use of electricity in an average English home is shown in the pie chart. From the graph it is generally obvious that the demand is in its maximum around 2100 in winter times and in its minimum around 400 being almost constant between 1200 and 2100 in winter times. During summer times on the other hand the demand reaches its top point around 1300 and the bottom point around 900 being almost constant between 1550 and 2000. In wither times the curve gradually increases to reach 40000 units of electricity by 3 o’clock in the morning. This is followed by gradual decline to its lowest limit of 30000 units at 9 o’clock. A gradual rise is obvious again to reach a stationary level between 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock of about 40000 units again. Then there is a sharp rise in the next hour to reach its maximum before collapsing again to a lower level by the end of the day. In summer time the curve gradually decrease to reach its lower limit around 9 o’clock of a bit more that 10000 units. A gradual increase is noticed to reach its top of 20000 after which a stationary phase is obvious between 3 o’clock and 10 o’clock at night of about 15000 units. The pie chart on the other hand shows that 52. 5% of the electricity is used for heating rooms and water. 17. 5% is consumed for ovens kettles and washing machines 15% is used in lighting TV and radio and finally 15% is consumed in the sue of vacuum cleaners food mixtures and electric tools.
The Demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in England during typical days in winter and summer
is illustrated
in the graph. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in an average English home
is shown
in the pie chart. From the graph it is
generally
obvious that the demand is in its maximum
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around
2100 in winter
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times
and in its minimum
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around
400 being almost constant between 1200 and 2100 in winter
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times
. During summer
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times
on the other hand
the demand
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reaches
its top point
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around
1300 and the bottom point
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around
900 being almost constant between 1550 and 2000.

In wither
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times
the curve
gradually
increases to
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reach
40000
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units
of
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electricity
by 3
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o’clock
in the morning. This
is followed
by gradual decline to its lowest limit of 30000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
at 9
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o’clock
. A gradual rise is obvious again to
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reach
a stationary level between 3
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o’clock
and 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o’clock
of about 40000
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units
again. Then there is a sharp rise in the
next
hour to
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reach
its maximum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
collapsing again to a lower level by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day.

In summer
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time
the curve
gradually
decrease to
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reach
its lower limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o’clock
of a bit more that 10000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. A gradual increase
is noticed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
its top of 20000 after which a stationary phase is obvious between 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o’clock
and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o’clock
at night of about 15000 units.

The pie chart
on the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 52. 5% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for heating rooms and water. 17. 5%
is consumed
for ovens kettles and washing machines 15% is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in lighting TV and radio and
finally
15%
is consumed
in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'sue' is correct. If 'sue' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the sue
of vacuum cleaners food mixtures and electric tools.

IELTS academic the graph below shows the demand for electricity in england during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart show how electricity is used in an average English home

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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