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The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat Ml2xe
The graph represents how many grams of fish, lamb, beef and chicken were consumed weekly in a particular European nation in the years 1979 to 2004 Overall, while there was a noticeable growth in the amount of chicken eaten and a lightly decrease the grams that fish was eaten, the consumption of the other two kinds of meat witnessed a significantly downward trend during 25-year period. Although the grams that chicken consumed hold the third position at approximately 150 grams per person per week in 1979, but after that consumption of chicken had been soaring high to about 230 grams in 1999 before reaching the maximum values at around 250 grams in 2004. In contrast, it was observed to show a little change in fish consumption, a light drop was seen from more than 50 grams in 1979 to less than 50 grams in 2004, which was the least quantity among kinds of meat. Between 1979 and 2004, based on each person weekly, lamp consumption experienced three-fold decrease from 150 grams in the first year of survey to nearly 50 grams in the final one. Besides that, the amount of beef dropped like a rock, from around 210 grams in 1979 to approximately 100 grams in 2004, which was about more than half in spite of the quantity of beef eaten in firstly five-year period, which was the same to the amount of chicken consumed in 1999.
The graph represents how
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many
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grams
of fish, lamb, beef and chicken
were consumed
weekly in a particular European nation in the years 1979 to 2004

Overall
, while there was a noticeable growth in the amount of chicken eaten and a
You used an adverb ('lightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
lightly decrease
the
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grams
that fish
was eaten
, the
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consumption
of the other two kinds of meat witnessed a
significantly
downward trend during 25-year period.

Although the
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grams
that chicken consumed hold the third position at approximately 150
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grams
per person per week in 1979,
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but
after that
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consumption
of chicken had been soaring high to about 230
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grams
in 1999
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before
reaching the maximum values at around 250
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grams
in 2004.
In contrast
, it
was observed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
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little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in fish
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consumption
, a light drop was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from more than 50
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grams
in 1979 to less than 50
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grams
in 2004, which was the least quantity among kinds of meat.

Between 1979 and 2004, based on each person weekly, lamp
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consumption
experienced three-fold decrease from 150
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grams
in the
first
year of survey to
nearly
50
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grams
in the final one.
Besides
that, the amount of beef dropped like a rock, from around 210
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grams
in 1979 to approximately 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2004, which was about more than half
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the quantity of beef eaten in
firstly
five-year period, which was the same to the amount of chicken consumed in 1999.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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