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The graph below shows the average number of students commute each day by different means

The graph below shows the average number of students commute each day by different means A3a0x
The given bar graph compares the information of one country's frequency of trips using different means of commuting of the year 1990 and 2010. It shows that most of the pupils travelled to and from school by using cars or walking in both years. Moreover, the frequency of travelling by car is increased significantly in 2010, and parallelly number of trips decreased in 2010. In 1990, walking was the most popular method for commuting to school, with over 12 million of trips were made by pupils. This was almost three time higher than the trips were made by car in 1990. Meanwhile the other means of commuting were around 6 millions of trips made by pupils. In 2010, all other means of travel decreased i is noticeable on the figures by all the commuting methods except car, which increased almost two time higher and reaching 11 millions, which is highest in compare to other means of commuting. To conclude, the figure of walking, which was the most popular way commuting to school in 1990, dropped over 2 times, but it was still the second method preferred by students in 2010. lastly, travelling by cycling, walking and bus were at 2 million, 3 million and 5 million respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph compares the information of one country's frequency of
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trips
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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means
of commuting of the year 1990 and 2010.

It
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shows
that most of the pupils travelled to and from school by using
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cars
or walking in both years.
Moreover
, the frequency of travelling by
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car
is increased
significantly
in 2010, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
parallelly
number of
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trips
decreased in 2010.

In 1990, walking was the most popular method for commuting to school, with over 12
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million
of
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trips
were made
by pupils. This was almost three time higher than the
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trips
were made
by
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car
in 1990.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the other
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means
of commuting were around 6
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millions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
made by pupils.

In 2010, all other
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means
of travel decreased
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
is noticeable on the figures by all the commuting methods except
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car
, which increased almost two time higher and reaching 11
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millions
, which is highest in compare to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of commuting.

To conclude
, the figure of walking, which was the most popular way commuting to school in 1990, dropped over 2 times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
still
the second method preferred by students in 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lastly
, travelling by cycling, walking and bus were at 2
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million
, 3
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million
and 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
respectively
.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the average number of students commute each day by different means

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
207 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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