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the graphs below show the number of serious injures and fatalities resulting from driving while distracted in canada by age group

the graphs below show the number of serious injures and fatalities resulting from driving while distracted in canada by age group mbD1q
The bar graph and the pie chart illustrate the number of seriously injured people and the mortality rate, due to distraction while driving by age group. It is evident from the graph that, most of the seriously injured people were from the age of group 25-34. Moreover, the least injured people were teenagers and the aged. In addition the highest number of deaths was seen in young people aged 20-34. Comparing the data, the number of injured people 30, 437 was highest in the age bracket of 25-34, the deadly crashes were accounted only 19%. In the young people of age 20-24, the amount of injuries recorded were slightly lower as compared to the deadly crashes, which were the highest at 32%. Furthermore, individuals aged 34-44 were the second highest among all the groups with 25, 048 injuries and the rate of death was 18%. Meanwhile, the teenagers and the elderly people were recorded lowest, for both injuries at 17, 874 and deadly crashes around 8%.
The bar graph and the pie chart illustrate the number of
seriously
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injured
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people
and the mortality rate, due to distraction while driving by
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age
group.

It is evident from the graph that, most of the
seriously
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injured
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people
were from the
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age
of group 25-34.
Moreover
, the least
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injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and the aged. In
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addition
the highest number of deaths was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in young
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people
aged 20-34.

Comparing the data, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injured
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people
30, 437 was highest in the
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age
bracket of 25-34, the deadly crashes
were accounted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
19%. In the young
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people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
20-24, the amount of injuries recorded were
slightly
lower
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the deadly crashes, which were the highest at 32%.
Furthermore
, individuals aged 34-44 were the second highest among all the groups with 25, 048 injuries and the rate of death was 18%. Meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were recorded
lowest, for both injuries at 17, 874 and deadly crashes around 8%.

IELTS academic the graphs below show the number of serious injures and fatalities resulting from driving while distracted in canada by age group

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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