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The graph below shows annual water usage( million of cubic metres) by the industries in some countries.

The graph below shows annual water usage( million of cubic metres) by the industries in some countries. Pgg9j
The rendered horizontal bar graph demonstrate the information about yearly water consumption through industries in some countries. The data has been calculated in the form of numbers. An overall suggested that the maximum ground water using for chemical while the minimum public supply water of fuel. It is worth noticing that the substantial public supply water usage for chemical (240). Inspite of this, almost similar consumption of ground water and public supply for machinery and paper (10 and 20 respectively) similarly public supply for metal and machinery (100 and 90 respectively). Strolling forth, it can be clearly seen from graph that 1. 5 ground water more usage more food/ drink as compare to fuel (110 and 70) furthermore The same proportion of public supply and ground water usage of foods/drinks and paper (190). Despite of this, ground water consumption for metal (240).
The rendered horizontal bar graph demonstrate the information about yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption through industries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. The data has
been calculated
in the form of numbers.

An
overall
suggested that the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
using for chemical while the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
of fuel. It is worth noticing that the substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage for chemical (240).

Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspite
of this, almost similar consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
for machinery and paper (10 and 20
respectively
)
similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
for metal and machinery (100 and 90
respectively
).

Strolling forth, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from graph that 1. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
more usage more food/ drink as compare to fuel (110 and 70)
furthermore
The same proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage of foods/drinks and paper (190).
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption for metal (240).
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IELTS academic The graph below shows annual water usage( million of cubic metres) by the industries in some countries.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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