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The graph below show the unemployment rates in the us and japan between march 2005 and march 2011.

The graph below show the unemployment rates in the us and japan between march 2005 and march 2011. rGMJl
The given graph elucidates the unemployment rates in us as well as japan between march 2005 and march 2011. To commence with, in march 2005, it had 2. 5 percentage unemployment rates and after it was follow upwards trend in march 2006 and 2007 percentage was approximately same about 3. 8 percent. After a year, in march 2008 percentage was 4. 4. Moreover in year 2010 it was reached peak point and percentage had 5. 3 and in year 2011 it was slightly fall. In us, 7. 0 percentage was the peak point in year 2005. After upcoming two years it followed downward trend. But in march 2008 and 2009 it was still constant. Further, in 2010 it had least point which is 4. 6 percent. In addition, 2011 it was same in Japan percentage. Overall, end point was same in us and japan and it's both were overlap in last two years.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph elucidates the unemployment rates in us
as well
as japan between
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2005 and
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2011.

To commence with, in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2005, it had 2. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
unemployment rates and after it was follow upwards trend in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2006 and 2007
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was approximately same about 3. 8 percent. After a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2008
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was 4. 4.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010 it
was reached
peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
had 5. 3 and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2011 it was
slightly
Consider using a past participle here: "fallen".
fall
. In us, 7. 0
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was the peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2005.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
upcoming two years it followed downward trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2008 and 2009 it was
still
constant.
Further
, in 2010 it had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
which is 4. 6 percent.
In addition
, 2011 it was same in Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
was same in us and japan and it's both
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
overlap in last two years.

IELTS academic The graph below show the unemployment rates in the us and japan between march 2005 and march 2011.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
153 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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