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The graph below represents the rate of smoking in some land by men and women per 1000 people.

The graph below represents the rate of smoking in some land by men and women per 1000 people. Wmwxb
The given line graph provides information about smoking rate in few places by male and female per 1000 people in given years. Taking a general overview, it can be clearly seen that male smokers were higher than females in intial year. While, the number of women smokers were higher as compared to men smokers, and in th last years number of men and women smokers were remained stable. After having keen observation of data, it is vivid that in 1960, the highest number of male (600) and the lowest number of females were 100 per thousand person, who smoked. After, a decade the digit of women smokers were double and there was a gradual decreased in the number of male smokers. In 1980, the figure of female smokers were remained same till 1990 and the difference between male and female declined constantly. In last one decade, the number of both men and women smokers had remained uniform at 300 per 1000 people.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph provides information about smoking rate in few places by male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.

Taking a general overview, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that male smokers were higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
intial
year. While, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smokers were higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
smokers, and in
Possible spelling mistake found.
th
last years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smokers
were remained
stable.

After having keen observation of data, it is vivid that in 1960, the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male (600) and the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were 100 per thousand
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
, who smoked. After, a decade the digit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smokers were double and there was a gradual decreased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male smokers. In 1980, the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
smokers
were remained
same till 1990 and the difference between male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
declined
constantly
. In last one decade, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smokers had remained uniform at 300 per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic The graph below represents the rate of smoking in some land by men and women per 1000 people.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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