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The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010.

The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010. m189n
The chart shows the Amount of Australian population going to the cinema in a 20 year old period starting in 1990. The information is provided by year group, being the attendance from the ypungest the most noticeable never descending from 85%. The data from the 24-24 year olds, suffers a modest variation in time starting in 89% and growing to a 95% in 2010. From 1998 to 2006 it remains steady in a 90%. In contrast, the 35-49 and the 50+ year olds experience an abrupter variation of more than a 20% along the studied period. It is expected that the amount of people watching movies from three of the age groups rises from 2006 to 2010 reaching their highest peaks in this year. 98%, 85% and 62% respectively. On the contrary, the 25-34 year olds attendance will decrease considerably to a 75% during these years. Its most noticeable attendance rate is at the start of the 21st Century with more than an 80%.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the Amount of Australian population going to the cinema in a 20
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year
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old
period starting in 1990. The information
is provided
by
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year
group, being the attendance from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ypungest
the most noticeable never descending from 85%.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
data from the 24-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds, suffers a modest variation in time starting in 89% and growing to a 95% in 2010. From 1998 to 2006 it remains steady in a 90%.
In contrast
, the 35-49 and the 50+
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds experience an abrupter variation of more than a 20% along the studied period.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching movies from three of the age groups rises from 2006 to 2010 reaching their highest peaks in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. 98%, 85% and 62%
respectively
.
On the contrary
, the 25-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds attendance will decrease
considerably
to a 75% during these years. Its most noticeable attendance rate is at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the 21st Century with more than an 80%.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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