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The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. AYg1
The renderd graph visualizes the detail about chnges in birth and death rates of masses in New Zealand in the time period of 1901 toh 2101 In 1901, Number of births was noticed near about 20, 000 pr month. where as, death rate was nearly half of it by 8000. Moreover, it had followed upward trend uptill 1961 it was noticed at its peak point with the figure of 67, 000 but looking at death rates it was noticed that 20, 000 people were dead in same year. Nevertheless, the sharp dive can be noticed in rate of births with the figure of 50, 000 in 1981. Death rate was still following upward trend. Afterthis, It is estimated that number of death rates will be more than birth rates in 2101 with the figure of 60, 000 and 45, 000 respectively. To conclude, according to graph in New Zealand number of death will rise more than birth rate in upcoming years.
The
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renderd
graph visualizes the detail about
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chnges
in
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birth
and death
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rates
of masses in New Zealand in the time period of 1901
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toh
2101

In 1901, Number of
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births
was
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noticed
near about 20, 000 pr month.
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
, death
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rate
was
nearly
half of it by 8000.
Moreover
, it had followed upward trend
Possible spelling mistake found.
uptill
1961 it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noticed
at its peak point with the figure of 67, 000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
looking at death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noticed
that 20, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were dead in same year.

Nevertheless
, the sharp dive can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noticed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
with the figure of 50, 000 in 1981. Death
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rate
was
still
following upward trend.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afterthis
, It
is estimated
that number of death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
will be more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in 2101 with the figure of 60, 000 and 45, 000
respectively
.

To conclude
, according to graph in New Zealand number of death will rise more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in upcoming years.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.