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The graph below compares the percentage of unemployed workers in the European union with the percentage in three categories, professional,manual and self employed in the year 1990to 1999

The graph below compares the percentage of unemployed workers in the European union with the percentage in three categories, professional, manual and self employed in the year 1990to 1999 BawYa
A glance at the line chart represents the proportion of jobless labour in the European society from 1990 to 1999Looking form an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the manual works shows highest rate in a initial stage, but it shows some fluctuations. Whereas professional works was seen least over the period. To commence with, in the year 1990 manual workers accounted around 7%, which gradually inclined by 1%in 1992. Followingly that it instantly soar up to 13%in 1994. Then, it promptly fell down to initial phase in 1996. After that, in three years it remained stagnant, which Little bit increased at 8% in 1994, followed by constantly climbing approx 11%in 1997. Later, in last two years it steadily declined to 9%In addition, self employed workers had significantly work in year 1990 was 6%. Similarly, from 1992 to half of year of 1995 it showed upward trend. Apart from this from 1996 to 1999 it remains equivalent. Furthermore, professional workers in the year 1990it was exactly at 2% which drastically fell to 1%in 1992. Altough, 1992 to 1997 it detects a doubled 2%. Finally at the end of the period it came to a beginning
A glance at the line chart represents the proportion of jobless
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in the European society from 1990 to 1999Looking form an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that the manual works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
rate in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
initial stage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
professional works was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
least over the period. To commence with, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990 manual workers accounted around 7%, which
gradually
inclined by 1%in 1992.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Followingly
that it
instantly
soar up to 13%in 1994. Then, it
promptly
fell down to initial phase in 1996. After that, in three years it remained stagnant, which
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
Little bit
increased at 8% in 1994, followed by
constantly
climbing approx 11%in 1997. Later, in last two years it
steadily
declined to 9%
In addition
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
workers had
significantly
work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990 was 6%.
Similarly
, from 1992 to half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1995 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trend. Apart from this from 1996 to 1999 it remains equivalent.
Furthermore
, professional workers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990it was exactly at 2% which
drastically
fell to 1%in 1992.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Altough
, 1992 to 1997 it detects a doubled 2%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period it came to a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
beginning
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IELTS academic The graph below compares the percentage of unemployed workers in the European union with the percentage in three categories, professional, manual and self employed in the year 1990to 1999

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
195 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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