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the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries

the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries BJgGd
The given line graph demonstrates the data about global water use by agriculture, industrial and domestic sector from 1900 to 2000 while the table shows comparison between Brazil and Congo. A glance at the graphs reveals that, water use by given three sectors increased all over the period; however, most of the water use by agriculture sector. On the other side Brazil consumed more of the water than Democratic Republic of Congo. As it is presented in the graphs, the begining of the period water utilized by farming was around 500km3, even though it is noticeable that it is increased gradually by almost 3000km3 in 2000. In addition, utilization of water in industrial and domestic sector 200km3 and 50km3 respectively in 1990. In the area of domestic use of water was unchanged over the first 50 years. After that its slowly rose by 300km3. Moreover, water apply for industrial issue were mildly go up all over the given period. Proving further, the table clearly shows that irrigated land and population of the Brazil higher than D>R>C. That's why they consumed water 359m3 per person compared with only 8m3 in the Congo.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph demonstrates the data about global
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by agriculture, industrial and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
from 1900 to 2000 while the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
comparison between Brazil and Congo. A glance at the graphs reveals that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three
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sectors
increased all over the period;
however
, most of the
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. On the other side Brazil consumed more of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
than Democratic Republic of Congo. As it
is presented
in the graphs, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
begining
of the period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
utilized by farming was around 500km3,
even though
it is noticeable that it
is increased
gradually
by almost 3000km3 in 2000.
In addition
, utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in industrial and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
200km3 and 50km3
respectively
in 1990. In the area of domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was unchanged
over the
first
50 years.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that its
slowly
rose by 300km3.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
apply for industrial issue were
mildly
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
up all over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. Proving
further
, the table
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that irrigated land and population of the Brazil higher than D>R>C. That's why they consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
359m3 per person compared with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8m3 in the Congo.
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IELTS academic the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
191 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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