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The given graph shows the percentage of secondary school leavers who the employed, unemployed and further education in1980,1990 and 2000.

The given graph shows the percentage of secondary school leavers who the employed, unemployed and further education in1980, 1990 and 2000. eEOkV
The given three pie charts illustrate the Australian student ratio who had completed secondary schooling in 1980, 1990 and 2000 and either went for job and further studies or remained jobless. Overall, it can be seen that in each year percentages of unemployed people remained minimum, while other categories had experienced maximum proportion of pupils. In terms of, the individuals who opted for the higher education. In 1980, after finishing secondary school, 40% of people chose to do further degree and this option experienced tenfold rise to 50% in 1990, while after 10 years this ratio rose to only 5%. In relation with, the employment and unemployed students' percentage. According to the chart proportion of the secondary school graduates who got job was 50% in 1980, fell to 38% and 37% in 1990 and 2000. Finally, the ratio of school leavers who didn't get work showed no particular change. Basically the percentage of unemployed in 1980 was two times that of in 1990, which went down after 10 years and remained only 8%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three pie charts illustrate the Australian student ratio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had completed secondary schooling in 1980, 1990 and 2000 and either went for job and
further
studies or remained jobless.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in each year percentages of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
remained minimum, while other categories had experienced maximum proportion of pupils.

In terms of, the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opted for the higher education. In 1980, after finishing secondary school, 40% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose to do
further
degree and this option experienced tenfold rise to 50% in 1990, while after 10 years this ratio rose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
relation with, the employment and unemployed students' percentage. According to the chart proportion of the secondary school graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
job was 50% in 1980, fell to 38% and 37% in 1990 and 2000.
Finally
, the ratio of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
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who
didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
no particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Basically
the percentage of unemployed in 1980 was two times that of in 1990, which went down after 10 years and remained
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8%.

IELTS academic The given graph shows the percentage of secondary school leavers who the employed, unemployed and further education in1980, 1990 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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