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The given chart compares the time children from 10 to 15 years old in Britain go online for two purposes including chatting and playing on games consoles on an average day at school.

The given chart compares the time children from 10 to 15 years old in Britain go online for two purposes including chatting and playing on games consoles on an average day at school. JKey5
The given chart compares the time children from 10 to 15 years old in Britain go online for two purposes including chatting and playing on games consoles on an average day at school. It is clear that overall the 10 to 15-year-olds in the UK spend more time playing computer games than chatting online. Another interesting point is that the most popular period of time going online for both two activities are between 1 to 3 hours. Only 55% of boys spend their time chatting on the Internet, which is a slightly small figure in comparison with nearly 70% of girls making a priority to do that activity. However, it is noticeable that the recorded time the two sexes use to chat online is almost the same, with the most common periods last for less than an hour or from 1 to 3 hours. Moreover, chatting for more than 4 hours only account for a minor figure, but girls also made up a higher proportion in this term. With regard to playing on games console, there is a significant contrast as a vast majority of boys favouring spending time on computer games, at 85%, while the figure of girls is only a little more than 50%. Looking at the amount of time, most girls only play computer games for less than an hour and approximately 2% of them play for more than 4 hours every day, whereas most boys make use of their time to play games on console between 1 and 3 hours, together with more than 10% who exceed 4 hours.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
children from 10 to 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in Britain go
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online
for two purposes including
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chatting
and playing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
consoles on an average day at school.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
overall
the 10 to 15-year-olds in the UK spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Another interesting point is that the most popular period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for both two activities are
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1 and 3".
between 1 to 3
hours.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
55% of boys spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chatting
on the Internet, which is a
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
figure
in comparison
with
nearly
70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
making a priority to do that activity.
However
, it is noticeable that the recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the two sexes
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
chat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is almost the same, with the most common periods last for less than an
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hour
or from 1 to 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Moreover
,
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chatting
for more than 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
account for a minor figure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
also
made up a higher proportion in this term.

With regard to playing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
console, there is a significant contrast as a vast majority of boys
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, at 85%, while the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than 50%. Looking at the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for less than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
and approximately 2% of them play for more than 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
every day, whereas most boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on console between 1 and 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, together with more than 10% who exceed 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
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IELTS academic The given chart compares the time children from 10 to 15 years old in Britain go online for two purposes including chatting and playing on games consoles on an average day at school.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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