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The given bar graph shows the contribution in Indian economy by four sectors.

The given bar graph shows the contribution in Indian economy by four sectors. b9y6
The given bar graph represent the contribution in Indian economy by four different sectors in separate years. Sectors is industry, self employment, service sector and last one is agriculture. To begin with, industries handout 20% in year 1950 moves to 27% in 1970 and approximately 17% in 1990. service sector contribute 27% in the economy in 1950 it has decreased 23% in 1970. in 1990 service sector only contribute 7% in economy. In addition with this, self employment donate only 7% in 1950. it was increased in 1970 and it was contribute 25% and in 1990 self employment handout more than all sectors. They contribute approximately 37% in 1990. agriculture contribute 35% in 1950 17%in 1970 and 10%in 1990. Overall, agriculture and service sector fell from a High contribution to low between year 1950 to 1990. on the other hand, self employment raised their contribution from 7% to 37%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph represent the contribution in Indian economy by four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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sectors
in separate years.
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Sectors
You should probably use: "are" or "were".
is
industry, self
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employment
,
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service
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sector
and last one is agriculture. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, industries handout 20% in year 1950
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to 27% in 1970 and approximately 17% in 1990.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
27% in the economy in 1950 it has decreased 23% in 1970.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
1990
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service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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contribute
7% in economy.
In addition
with this, self
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employment
donate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7% in 1950.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
was increased
in 1970 and it was
Consider using a past participle here: "contributed".
contribute
25% and in 1990 self
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employment
handout more than all
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sectors
. They
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contribute
approximately 37% in 1990.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
agriculture
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contribute
35% in 1950 17%in 1970 and 10%in 1990.
Overall
, agriculture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
fell from a High contribution to low between year 1950 to 1990.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
raised their contribution from 7% to 37%.
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IELTS academic The given bar graph shows the contribution in Indian economy by four sectors.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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