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The given bar graph depicts the distance travelled in miles by both gender in a year for six various nation

The given bar graph depicts the distance travelled in miles by both gender in a year for six various nation VPO1w
The given bar graph depicts the distance travelled in miles by both gender in a year for six various nation. Both gender travelled highest number of miles for work. Firstly It can be clearly seen that Man covered more miles than woman for the purposes Day trip, Entertainment and Work. For Day trip and Entertainment Men travelled around 4km more than women in which both gender travelled lowest for Day trip. And For the work Men covered 5km more than women with 35km. Women travelled for this purpose more than any other purposes. Secondly for Meeting friends, Taking children to school and Shopping Women travelled almost 3-4 km more than Men. All three purposes were almost double than Entertainment. For Shopping and Taking children at school Men travelled almost same distance with 26km miles over a year. Women covered same miles for the purposes Shopping and Work. To sum up we can say that both gender travelled almost near by same miles for the purposes Meeting friends, Taking children at school, Shopping and Work and they covered almose half of miles then other in Day trip and Entertainment over the year.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the distance
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travelled
in miles by both gender in a year for six various
Possible agreement error. The noun 'nation' seems to be countable, so consider using: "nations".
nation
. Both gender
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travelled
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
number of miles for work.

Firstly
It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
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covered
more miles than woman for the
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purposes
Day
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trip
, Entertainment and Work. For Day
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trip
and Entertainment
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Men
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travelled
around
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "4 km"
4km
more than
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women
in which both gender
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travelled
lowest for Day
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trip
. And For the work
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Men
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covered
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "5 km"
5km
more than
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women
with
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "35 km"
35km
.
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Women
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travelled
for this
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purpose
more than any other purposes.

Secondly
for Meeting friends, Taking children to school and
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Shopping
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Women
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travelled
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almost
3-4 km more than
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Men
. All three
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purposes
were
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almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than Entertainment. For
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Shopping
and Taking children at school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
same distance with
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "26 km"
26km
miles over a year.
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Women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
covered
same miles for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
and Work.

To sum up we can say that both gender
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travelled
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almost
Did you mean "nearby"?
near by
same miles for the
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purposes
Meeting friends, Taking children at school,
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Shopping
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Work and
they
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covered
Possible spelling mistake found.
almose
half of miles then other in Day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
and Entertainment over the year.
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IELTS academic The given bar graph depicts the distance travelled in miles by both gender in a year for six various nation

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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