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The given bar chart illustrates the proportions of male and female teaching members in different faculties of a university in 2012.

The given bar chart illustrates the proportions of male and female teaching members in different faculties of a university in 2012. Wyn20
The given bar chart illustrates the proportions of male and female teaching members in different faculties of a university in 2012. Overall, the academic staff members varied across different faculties. Engineering contains the highest proportion rates of male. In this same category, education was the least percentage. On the other hand, female staff members were the highest in education and lowest in engineering. In the arts, women's staff was higher when compared to the male academic staff. Almost, 60 percentage of women were allocated to arts and it is around 42 percent for men. When coming to business, it was around 62 percent of male staff and it was close to 38 percentage of female staff. In education, the male staff members were almost 78 percent, which is the highest proportion rates for this category and 22 percent of male staff were assigned. In engineering, 82% of the male staff were assigned in that particular academic year, which is the highest assignment rate for this gender group. In contrast, only 18% of women were there in this faculty. Law and science faculty members of both genders were relatively similar. Finally, 52 percent of the female staff were present in medicine department and it was around 48 percent of female academic staff members.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the proportions of male and
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female
teaching
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members
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
faculties of a university in 2012.

Overall
, the
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
varied across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
faculties. Engineering contains the highest proportion rates of male. In this same category, education was the least percentage.
On the other hand
,
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
were the highest in education and lowest in engineering.

In the arts, women's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
was higher when compared to the male
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
. Almost, 60 percentage of women
were allocated
to arts and it is around 42
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. When coming to business, it was around 62
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
and it was close to 38 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
. In education, the male
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staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
were almost 78
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percent
, which is the highest proportion rates for this category and 22
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percent
of male
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staff
were assigned
.

In engineering, 82% of the male
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staff
were assigned
in that particular
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academic
year, which is the highest assignment rate for this gender group.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18% of women were there in this faculty. Law and science faculty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of both genders were
relatively
similar.
Finally
, 52
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
were present in medicine department and it was around 48
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
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IELTS academic The given bar chart illustrates the proportions of male and female teaching members in different faculties of a university in 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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