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The given bar chart demonstrates how many miles

The given bar chart demonstrates how many miles 0wpyG
The given bar chart demonstrates how many miles both male and female of a certain country travelled for 6 common purposes. Overall, the most number of miles was covered by both genders in order to commute to, and from work. In addition, men did more miles in total than women for work, day trip, and amusement, while it is the opposite with regard to meeting friends, taking children to school, and going shopping. Men travelled as many as 35000 miles for business and the figure for women was shorter, at 30000 miles. Similar patterns can be seen in the “day trip”, and “entertainment” categories, but the mileages for these purposes generally were just half to one-third as long as that of work. As for recreation, males made 15000-mile journey compared to 12000-mile one of female counterpart. By comparison, the number of miles covered to take day trip was the least, with just 7000, and 10000 miles being done by women and men respectively. In contrast, longer way travelled by women than men for the remaining purposes but the differences between their mileages were not significant - just about 2000 miles for each activity. In specific, women drove 25000 miles in total to attend meetups with friends, while men did so approximately 22000 miles. Similarly, the respective figures for males and females were 27500 and 30000 miles in terms of shopping, and 25000 and 27000 miles considering driving children to school.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart demonstrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
miles both male and female of a certain country travelled for 6 common purposes.

Overall
, the most number of miles
was covered
by both genders in order to commute to, and from work.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did more miles in total than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for work, day trip, and amusement, while it is the opposite with regard to meeting friends, taking children to school, and going shopping.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
travelled as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
35000 miles
for business and the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was shorter, at
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30000 miles
. Similar patterns can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the “day trip”, and “entertainment” categories,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the mileages for these purposes
generally
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
half to one-third as long as that of work. As for recreation, males made 15000-mile journey compared to 12000-mile one of female counterpart. By comparison, the number of miles covered to take day trip was the least, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
7000, and
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10000 miles
being done
by
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women
and
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men
respectively
.

In contrast
, longer way travelled by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for the remaining purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the differences between their mileages were not significant
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
2000 miles
for each activity. In specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
drove
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
25000 miles
in total to attend meetups with friends, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
approximately
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
22000 miles
.
Similarly
, the respective figures for males and females were 27500 and
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30000 miles
in terms of shopping, and 25000 and
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
27000 miles
considering driving children to school.
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IELTS academic The given bar chart demonstrates how many miles

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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