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The following graph illustrates the average of holiday visitors in Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.

The following graph illustrates the average of holiday visitors in Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017. bbGXW
The following graph illustrates the average of holiday visitors in Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017. Overall, the main proportion of tourists experienced an upward trend during the 7-year period, reaching its highest point in 2017. Also, there were some fluctuations, connected with the rates of them, who stayed on the island. Contrary to visitors, staying on cruise ships, whose figures were risen up dramatically after 2013. According to the diagram, the amounts of tourists, who stayed on this island, was almost 700, 000 from 2010 to 2011. Then, their figures were experienced a growth, reaching approximately to 1, 5 million, by 2013. The numbers remained stable till 2015, in contrast with the following year, when they dropped slighlty nearly to 1, 3 million. By the last year, they increased considerably to 1, 5 million. The average of visitors in cruise ships was under 500, 000 by 2010. However, after 2013 the rates of this kind of tourism were increased dramatically from 0, 3m in 2010 to 2m in 2017. By 2016, they outnumbered the number of visitors, who lived on the island. Moreover, the total proportion of tourism went up enormously. At the beginning of the given period only 1 million people were planned to visit Caribbean. On the other hand, their total levels were grown extremely high to 3, 5 million tourists, by the end of the period.
The following graph illustrates the average of holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Caribbean".
in Caribbean
island from 2010 to 2017.

Overall
, the main proportion of tourists experienced an upward trend during the 7-year period, reaching its highest point in 2017.
Also
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, connected with the rates of them, who stayed on the island. Contrary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, staying on cruise ships, whose figures
were risen
up
dramatically
after 2013.

According to the diagram, the amounts of tourists, who stayed on this island, was almost 700, 000 from 2010 to 2011. Then, their figures
were experienced
a growth, reaching approximately to 1, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, by 2013. The numbers remained stable till 2015,
in contrast
with the following year, when they dropped
Possible spelling mistake found.
slighlty
nearly
to 1, 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. By the last year, they increased
considerably
to 1, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. The average of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in cruise ships was under 500, 000 by 2010.
However
, after 2013 the rates of this kind of tourism
were increased
dramatically
from 0,
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "3 m"
3m
in 2010 to
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "2 m"
2m
in 2017. By 2016, they outnumbered the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
on the island.

Moreover
, the total proportion of tourism went up
enormously
. At the beginning of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were planned
to visit Caribbean.
On the other hand
, their total levels
were grown
extremely
high to 3, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tourists, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

IELTS academic The following graph illustrates the average of holiday visitors in Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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