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The Following Bar chart shows the crude birth and death rates between 1950 and 2010

The Following Bar chart shows the crude birth and death rates between 1950 and 2010 LVPr
The given bar chart illustrates the amount of natural birth and death percentage from 1950 to 2010. Overall, the birth rate was higher than that of death rate in the period given. Both, the rates proportion are considered as the highest in the initial period. While, the least percentage of rates were seen in the final year. During 1950-1955, the birth ratio is significantly greater and which accounted to peak this is almost 40% as opposed to 20% death rates. Next 20 years, birth figures are fallen slightly and which dropped to 30% compared to death rates which drastically went down to half the percentage around 10%. From 1975 to 1990, the proportion of rates which continously remained stable which accounted for 28% and 10% respectively for birth and death numbers. Moreover, birth ratio gradually reduced in percentage and which fell under 20% in 2010 which remains exactly half of the starting year whereas death rates maintained constant percentage and durign final year it fall under 10%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the amount of natural
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birth
and death
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percentage
from 1950 to 2010.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was higher than that of death
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rate
in the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Both, the
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rates
proportion
are considered
as the highest in the initial period.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the least
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the final year.

During 1950-1955, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
ratio is
significantly
greater and which accounted to peak this is almost 40% as opposed to 20% death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
Next
20 years,
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birth
figures
are fallen
slightly
and which dropped to 30% compared to death
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rates
which
drastically
went down to half the
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percentage
around 10%.

From 1975 to 1990, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
which
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
remained stable which accounted for 28% and 10%
respectively
for
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birth
and death numbers.
Moreover
,
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birth
ratio
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and which fell under 20% in 2010 which remains exactly half of the starting year whereas death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
maintained constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
durign
final year it
Did you mean "falls"?
fall
under 10%.
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IELTS academic The Following Bar chart shows the crude birth and death rates between 1950 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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