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The first pie chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use .

The first pie chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. pkN9
The first given pie chart illustrate how the energy consumption is done in an average Australian household whereas, in the second pie chart represent the energy emissions of greenhouse gas. Overall, the Australian household has maximum used of heating it is nearly around half and the cooling percentage is very minute despite in the Australian household of greenhouse gas emissions of water heating has the leading percentage and the lowest percentage belongs to cooling. In the first pie chart the heating topped the energy used in Australian household it almost covered a half of its consumption then water heating acquired almost 30% of energy use. The other appliances is leading after the water heating with 15% the least three are refrigeration, lighting and cooling with 7%, 8%&2% respectively. On the other hand the greenhouse gas emissions the water heating covered almost 1/3 but other appliances is close to water heating these two has ranked highest household of gas emissions. The heating and refrigerator are almost same while the lighting has 8% and cooling count the least use household with 3%.
The
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrate how the
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energy
consumption
is done
in an average Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
whereas, in the second pie chart represent the
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energy
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emissions
of greenhouse
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gas
.
Overall
, the Australian
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household
has maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
of
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heating
it is
nearly
around half and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
percentage is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minute despite in the Australian
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household
of greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
has the leading percentage and the lowest percentage belongs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
. In the
first
pie chart the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
topped the
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
it
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almost
covered a half of its consumption then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
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heating
acquired
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almost
30% of
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. The other appliances is leading after the
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water
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heating
with 15% the least three are refrigeration, lighting and
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cooling
with 7%, 8%&2%
respectively
.
On the other hand
the greenhouse
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gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
the
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water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
covered
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almost
1/3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other appliances is close to
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water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
The verb 'has' is singular. Did you mean: "these two have", "these two haven"?
these two has
ranked
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and refrigerator are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
same while the lighting has 8% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
count the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
with 3%.
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IELTS academic The first pie chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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