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The first line chart depicts information about steel production and demand in the UK in 2010 while second one reveals the employee number in the steel industry in same year period.

The first line chart depicts information about steel production and demand in the UK in 2010 while second one reveals the employee number in the steel industry in same year period. 7ar23
The first line chart depicts information about steel production and demand in the UK in 2010 while second one reveals the employee number in the steel industry in same year period. Looking from overall perspective, it is apparent that, the production of steel was higher than the demand through the year except in December and highest number of workers was employed in this industry at the beginning of the year. According to the first graph, the UK produced 400 millions tons steel in the January and that time the demand was equal to the half of the production. Meanwhile, number of worker peaked but(5000), from there the trend fell dramatically to 3000 in March. After first quarter the production and need for steel remained almost the same. However, during this period, the employee numbers showed some fluctuation and in August, the UK steel industry employed around 3. 5 millions workers. After the end of august, UK steel production plummeted to 3 thousands million tones, whereas the demand is below than 2 thousand million. From January to November, the gap between demand and output stand as avarage a million tone. At that time, number of employees dropped through the rest of year and reached the lowest point in 1 million on December. The end of year pattern for production was shifted and in December the demand for steel exceed the production tonnes.
The
first
line chart depicts information about
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steel
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production
and
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demand
in the UK in 2010 while second one reveals the employee
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number
in the
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steel
industry in same
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year
period.

Looking from
overall
perspective, it is apparent that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
was higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
through the
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year
except in December and highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers
was employed
in this industry at the beginning of the year.

According to the
first
graph, the UK produced 400
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millions
tons
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steel
in the January and that time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
was equal to the half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of worker peaked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
(5000), from there the trend fell
dramatically
to 3000 in March. After
first
quarter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
remained almost the same.
However
, during this period, the employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation and in August, the UK
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steel
industry employed around 3. 5
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millions
workers. After the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
, UK
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steel
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production
plummeted to 3 thousands
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
tones, whereas the
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demand
is
Use "(below)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
below
than 2 thousand million.

From January to November, the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
and output stand as
Possible spelling mistake found.
avarage
a
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million
tone. At that time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employees dropped through the rest of
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year
and reached the lowest point in 1
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million
on December. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
pattern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was shifted
and in December the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
exceed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
tonnes.
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IELTS academic The first line chart depicts information about steel production and demand in the UK in 2010 while second one reveals the employee number in the steel industry in same year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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